Revolting Youth

What is it with the youth of today? I’m afraid I for one no longer understand them...and I don’t mean in the figurative sense either. I literally cannot understand them – the way they speak (with great speed and using words rather sparingly...ya know, incase they run out) and their general vernacular (a mixture of grunts and lethargy)...and I’m young still, so God love anyone who finds themselves older, and thus, incapable of understanding the speech of the dumbed down generation. Of course, I don’t want to be talking down the generation that I so narrowly escaped growing up in, and I’m pretty sure there are people of my age group not unlike the afore described, but lets face it, anyone only coming through the school system right now, screw it, write them off – they’re a lost cause.

With impending college fees in the not too distant future, and the likelihood that any parent or pre-adolescent seeing any great merit in spending vast amounts of money on an education, for that – the sake of an education (or at least to be perceived as educated), because as it stands there’s too many of us bloody “Degree Holders” as it is lurking around and waiting for the next job opportunity in Nandos to spring up, so well, it’s not looking good for the next batch coming up the ranks of underage drinking and frivolous one night stands...and it’s not like they’re going to aspire to anything great anyway, right? I mean, the i-Pad has already been invented, what other unnecessary utilities need be invented still? Hmm? Uhm...nope. I’m all out of ideas. Fuck you anyway television for switching off any remaining imaginative light bulbs that may have had some juice left in em’.

Not that my generation has done anything spellbindingly well and deserves any great level of appreciation or adulation. What have we done? Made some rather obnoxious and conspicuous fashion choices coupled with hair styles that somehow were believed to be fashionable, not to mention making the music industry what it is today – absolute shite. Now, as I’m told daily, if not hourly, by anyone over fifty, this would be an ideal time to piss off and relocate elsewhere…so in fifteen years time I can come riding back into town on my high horse and laugh at the failure of youth and their inability of ridding our country of this seemingly never ending deficit. Most likely the ones that do escape will still find it difficult to attain any kind of income elsewhere, but hell, at least they’ll get a tan whilst they’re sitting around waiting for that proverbial door of opportunity to open and watching their pubic hair slowly discolour.

I have no problem in stating this. Mine is a generation of failure. You might think that it is actually our current Taoiseach, his cabinet, and the Bankers that are the failures, but you’d be wrong. Forget your Brian Cowens and your Bank O-fuck-ups, they achieved something no other generation pre-existing to them did. Seriously, they did. You don’t think so? No? Well they managed to piss away our economy and have created nothing short of a horrendous situation that they’ve so nicely left us, and most likely our children’s children to deal with. Seeeeee. At least they created something, even it was just a 150-billion-million-bazillion (whose keeping count anymore?) deficit, and to be fair, it was pretty fucking bold and innovative of them, if not pure shit of them! The bastards! I hope they’re happy!...How much did they get for a pension again?...Oh wait, no folks, they actually are happy! Delighted even! And here I was being all rhetorical and the like...ha!

Let’s be honest, the dependency on the upcoming generation shouldn’t leave anyone holding their breaths. This generation can barely organise a protest to stand up for their entitlements, and that should be fairly simple – I mean, they’ve fuck all to do each day but sleep in, drink their body weight in beer made directly from distilled piss nightly and keep up to date with Home and Away…and if they’re really a cut above the rest, try remember who it was that they let suck their face last night. Nice. To paraphrase the dastardly, yet somehow fondly remembered Charles Haughey, “The generation on the way up isn’t going to be any better, let me tell you”. Well, it was something to that effect, but who really cares…that’s history. Yeah! Wait, no. Why didn’t somebody listen to the old shit!? He did after all set a bench mark for his fellow Fianna Fail fucknuts. – knew what he was talking about! … Oh that isn’t fair. He was a thieving old shit.   

Of course, what has this, and indeed the next generation to aspire to? Who is setting the bench mark for both ambition and achievement? Who is setting a good example? Why celebrities of course! Take, uhm, Katie Price? Okay, bad example...she’s actually looking pretty successful these days, and like she may well break into American television, but that’s only because compared to what’s screened on their televisions she could almost be considered educational. I did say almost, right? Okay, let me think of a real turd at the end of the barrel of unsuccessful celebrities. Right, got it, Alex Reid – yeah, Alex Reid...

“Who the fuck is Alex Reid!?”

 “You don’t know Alex Reid!!? How do you not!????????”

Well, if you are one of the lucky few that has somehow managed not to become privy to this tanned carnival creature with little else running through his head but circus music, then here’s the skinny on this prick ;  he’s this guy that was a failed actor, failed extra (see Sliding Doors), failed cage fighter, (now a) failed spouse, and a overall a failed wannabe “celebrity”. But now that I come to think of it, he was a pretty convincing drag queen. He is the best, if not main example of people that are becoming famous for the sake of being famous right now…not to mention the financial benefactors of. But mainly for the sake of being famous…oh and the sex, don’t forget the sex (well, there’s always someone equally desperate enough to sleep with a “nobody celebrity” to become an even greater “nobody celebrity” – infact, there’s no shortage of the immoral beings looking for a career by virtue of salacious activities, as long as they don’t have to do something mad, like…ha….find a job and work – huh, what sucker’d do that!)!!!?

These “celebrities” aren’t giving us, the numb-minded-want-to-escape-reality-each-evening-even-if-its-only-for-fifteen-minutes-fools anything of great value...zero words of wisdom, shag all knowledge, and experience wise, aside from probably having to humiliate themselves in order to attract some public attention (still taking Alex Reid, married Katie Price, dressed up in drag, tried to write an advice column (or so I’m told) and subsequently has been dumped by Katie Price – yes, you will find his picture next to the definition of humiliation), thus these “celebs” are hardly equipped with anything truly worthwhile or that may even leave an impression of themselevs on us...the mindless television beings that we’ve become since the dawn of reality television.  I’m gonna come out and say this – television is the cause of our woes. Don’t believe me? Where were you when the Bankers and the Government were out chin wagging, making decisions, passing laws and enjoying immensely expensive dinners and fine wines, courtesy of the tax-payer, of course!!! I’ll tell you where! Sprawled out on the couch watching repeats, because you never know, you may just find something new to laugh about in Kirstie Alley’s Big Life (don’t get me started on that absolute waste of dignity) other than how bad the comic timing is/was, and eating prawn cocktail flavoured crisps in unison to Kirstie Alley eating her prawn flavoured “chips”. Okay, the last part you most likely weren't doing...I know this on account of two reasons. One ; prawn cocktail flavored crisps aren't saturated in enough lard content for Kirstie Alley these days, and two ; prawn flavoured crisps are nothing short of a disgusting dish created by the Devil himself, and who actually would insult their accumulative taste buds and digestive system? Subsequently, you need to believe in the Devil in order to relate to how disgusting prawn crisps are. Which I do…merely because of their existence.

See, the problem is, we can’t hope for a better generation of youngsters right now because the generation of youngsters as it stands (mine included) are sat on their arses watching The Hills…or if you’ve only access to RTE (God love you)…the lesser but even worse (something I never imagined saying) equivalent, Fade Street. Even a generation up from mine, there are qualified Solicitors sat on the dole doing just that…watching this dumbed down rhubarb, but then again, screw the Solicitors, it was greed that most likely got them into that profession in the first place, and look where greed has gotten us! Huh!? Yeah. Take that, high achievers!

Now I know this could be considered pontificating at the highest level, but really, I have no hope for the next three generations, and when that gravy train headed for Australia and Canada eventually comes to a hault, and it will, killing off every great intention and wondrous notion of escapism each 22 – 28 year old currently enhabits, I’ll hopefully be one of the lucky few to have gotten and gone further than anyone with a Phd (geographically, that is), and when I come back on my high horse, I’d better not find you still on that couch eating prawn cocktail flavoured snack foods.

So there.